how does one overcome fear? i know i'm afraid of lots of things. recently i found out i'm a little claustrophobic and of course i'm acrophobic (heights if anybody is confused). so what did i do? well, i busted my own balls about it and i willed myself to squeeze into the tight tunnel and crawl through while suspended in 100 feet in the air. that was all it took. i even looked straight down and stared right at the ground. of course i was screaming, "i'm looking down! i'm looking down!" point of the story is that i forced myself into doing it. it's not so much that i'm deathly afraid of small tunnels or heights, it's just that i'm unused to having to experience anything like them. so basically, it's the obvious idiom of fearing what you don't know. the funny thing is this applies to so many things in life and to so many people as well. i think we all need to try new things and to accept differences in people. just take a deep breath and dive in and who knows, maybe it'll be fun. i know i don't want to hold myself back from things i haven't experienced and am uncomfortable trying.

where was i you ask? st. louis city museum. basically an outdoor amusement jungle gym for all ages. pics later maybe.

my friend and i watched ghostbusters, a classic, the other day and we were talking about bill murray's character. if you don't remember, the smooth-talking murray charms his way into the affections of sigourney weaver, even though she attempts to resist. as we were watching we were talking about how murray's characters tend to be the quick, witty, silver-tongued folk that manage to have something to say that always turns the event into something memorable. be it comedic, romantic, rhetorical, etc, it's the a charisma that is undeniably loveable: charming simply put. my friend asked how do you make a girl change her mind when at first she says no? 'persistence' was what i thought at first, but then i had horrible images of slaps, scratches, eye-gauges, and the word 'freak' ringing in my ears. murray in ghostbusters sure was persistent, but one can't ignore the fact that he's charming.

so what is charm? how does it make everything so much easier for a person? girls swoon, parents approve, bosses excuse, bouncers admit and so on... it just makes for a better life experience, or so it seems. by definition 'charm' means 'a power of pleasing or attracting, as through personality or beauty', 'charming: to attract or delight greatly'. it seems it's a 'ya got it, ya don't got it' kind of thing, but this can't be the case, i won't allow this to be true.

surely everybody's ideal is to be charming, mine included, to be able to attract all people to them. how to make this happen is the question of the hour. anybody have any ideas or solutions? i know for me i think there are a lot of things that have to happen before i get to charming, but i don't think it's impossible. i hope it's just like anything else in life, take small steps towards achieving your goals. with a little bit of patience and persistence, i hope to one day charm the skirt off of some young lady. <writes on list of things to do before i die>

so, i've realized that somehow i've managed to have a poor updating record on xanga again. why? this time i was trying to avoid the bland daily update post: "hey, went to class, came home, was bored, etc." yadda yadda yadda. to change that i put a lot of thought into the things i was writing, but instead i've made myself feel like if i can't give the right amount of thought, i shouldn't post at all. again, the opposite of my goal!! so right now i'm just posting, about anything and everything, just posting. i'm updating! rather than everything being a commnetary i'm just cutting loose on the keyboard.

i'm too sleepy to concentrate. i'm just going to sleep early. wake up early and then get on with everything i have to do. hopefully i can get everything done that i need to! eekp!

so, some people commented on the song. i'm changing it now, but if you're ever interested in the song and artist i will have the information in the right side of my title/header.